all my awake time is like one big lead up to sleep time. after a nap, later, tomorrow... i'll hang up my clothes, put all my important things in one place so that i don't lose them, throw away the stuff that's in between all the important things, unpack that box that's sitting under a black cloth and the basket that we put recyclable rubbish in, in the laundry, that i walk past everytime i go to the toilet or into the garden, or visit the washing machine and stare at it wishing it would stop beeping incessantly and just WORK. when this monumental 'rest' is over everything will be fixed. everything. how much sleeping is it going to take though? 12 hours a night and a nanna nap after mid morning tea. afterwards the house will be cleaner, the garden will smell sweeter... i'll probably be somewhere else. ah ha. somewhere else there is a house with laughter in it, flowing between conversations over dinner, from over the top of books and underneath bed sheets. somewhere i won't worry about almost all of the things i do and say as i do and say them. stuttering physically, dropping things. going to the back of the queue again and trying again, to prepare myself as everyone else, seemingly without issue, takes their turn. what ever it is.